I Should Tell You
by broadwaybaby4205
Summary: Chuck-centric. Chuck's thoughts at different points in the show. Contains flashbacks and some dialogue from episodes. Pairing: ChuckBlair.
1. Seventeen Candles

**Author's Note: Okay, so this is my first Gossip Girl fanfic and it's TV show based. It's Chuck/Blair because they are the awesomest couple ever. Basically, this is just what Chuck was thinking the morning after the limo scene at the end of Victor/Victrola. Flashbacks are italicized. Also, there will be some dialogue from Victor/Victrola and Seventeen Candles. Please read and review!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, the last five minutes of the season finale would not exist and Chuck and Blair would be living happily ever after in Tuscany.**

Chuck Bass smirked into the mirror as he pulled on his signature scarf. He felt like he was on top of the world. Sure that made him sound like a lovesick idiot, but oh well. He was a lovesick idiot. He had been in love with Blair Waldorf as long as he could remember. People thought he was a shallow heartless ass who didn't care about anyone; just a womanizer who slept with random girls and hired hookers. They were right about the second part, but no one knew the half of it. No one knew the reason he behaved the way he did. That reason was Blair Waldorf. Chuck fully knew that the girl he loved would never love him back. She would just continue to be with Nate even though he could care less about her and would always be in love with Serena, and Blair was in denial and refused to believe it until now. For that reason, Chuck would never be able to fully commit himself to a relationship because his heart would always belong to Blair. He loved her more than anything and always would, even if it meant he would always be the guy sitting in the corner watching her cry over someone who would never love her back.

Last night, however, things were different and Chuck couldn't be happier. Blair had Blair and Nate had finally broken up after God know how long. Actually he knew exactly how long it had been…

_Blair Waldorf walked into her first day of kindergarten in a white dress while her dark hair was pulled back in a black patent leather headband. Well, actually she didn't really walk; she was clinging to her father's leg while he sort of pulled her along. Once they walked through the doors of her kindergarten on 71__st__ street, her father tried to finally shake her off, but was unsuccessful._

"_Blair, you have to go inside now," Mr. Waldorf gently suggested._

"_But, daddy, I don't want to. I don't know anyone," Blair pouted._

"_You know Serena", he reminded._

"_Yeah, but she's not here yet", Blair informed her father, clinging harder to his leg._

_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO_

_Chuck Bass sat in the corner of his new preschool stacking blocks. He was trying to make it look like the Empire State Building, but was failing miserably. He sighed as another boy with ugly bangs ran by and knocked over his pile. He began to pick it up when he looked up and saw a little girl enter the room. She was wearing a bleach white dress that matched her cream complexion perfectly and a pair of little black Mary Janes. Her dark curly hair was held back by a black patent leather headband and she was wearing a pout as she clung to her father's leg. Chuck smirked to himself. She.was the prettiest girl he's ever seen. He instantly forgot about his blocks as he rose and ran over to the little girl._

"_Yeah, but she's not here yet", he heard the girl pout as he ran up to her._

"_Hi, my name's Chuck Bass", he greeted once he reached the girl._

"_I'm Blair Cornelia Waldorf", Blair introduced as Chuck smiled. Her name was really pretty._

"_Do you wanna play with me?" Chuck invited._

"_Sure," Blair smiled turning to her father, "bye, daddy"._

"_Bye," Mr, Waldorf laughed, running out the door._

"_So, what do you wanna play?" Blair asked._

"_How about blocks? I'm trying to make a building exactly like the Empire State Building", Chuck explained._

"_That's boring and too hard…let's build them to look like the Plaza!" Blair exclaimed, grinning at her suggestion. Chuck examined her face as she smiled. She had the prettiest smile. He felt something funny in his stomach, but ignored it._

"_Okay, that sounds good," Chuck replied as the two headed over to the corner where he was previously playing. _

_When they arrived, however, they found a little boy in a suit with ugly bangs playing with the blocks._

"_Um, can we use those?" Chuck asked, "I was here first"._

"_You left," the boy stated, "I'm using them now"._

"_Can we all play together?" Blair suggested, eyeing the boy._

"_Sure that would be fun", the boy grinned, "I'm Nathaniel Archibald, but you can call me Nate"._

"_I'm Blair Waldorf," she squealed._

"_Chuck Bass", Chuck murmured, disappointed that he had to share Blair with this Nate fellow._

"_We were gonna build the Plaza!" Blair interjected._

"_Well, I'm building the Met, you wanna help?" Nate suggested._

"_Oooo, okay! That's a great idea", Blair enthusiastically complimented while a sulking Chuck sat down next to the two. _

"_Blair, you're pretty, do you wanna be my girlfriend?" Nate questioned._

"_Sure!" Blair shouted, grinning from ear to ear, throwing her arms around him. _

_In the mean time, Chuck sat and watched them, sulking. Little did he know, he would be doing this activity for the next 12 years._

Chuck smiled to himself as he exited his suite and headed downstairs in the elevator. After years of watching Nate get to be that guy. The guy she cared about and loved. Chuck couldn't believe that maybe he actually had a shot. Blair had lost her virginity to him. Last night, she was his. Maybe she actually did care about him. Maybe they had a shot as a couple.

"Where to Mr. Bass", the limo driver inquired.

"The Waldorf's penthouse", Chuck muttered, sliding into the limousine. He smirked, thinking of the previous night…

"_You were amazing up there", Chuck mumbled, staring at Blair in awe._

_She met his gaze and he felt his heart stop. There lips slowly moved closer together until she finally pressed his lips against his. Chuck, felt as if he was on fire; it was as if volts of electricity were pulsing through. He had never felt this way before. It was amazing. Finally. Chuck then broke the kiss._

"_Are you sure?" he questioned._

_Blair's response was simply to press her lips against his. He immediately began to kiss her back, feeling on top of the world._

_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO_

"_Oh, um, this is your house", Chuck panted as Blair laid against him in her slip._

"_Okay, well, um, thanks", she stuttered with a weak smile as she slipped on her dress and threw her pearls over her head, "that was um, fun"._

"_It was" Chuck smirked, pressing his lips against Blair's. _

_She then slipped out of the limo, leaving Chuck by himself. He smiled as he looked outside at the frosty November air. This was the greatest night of his life._

"Mr. Bass, we're here", the limousine driver informed.

"Great, thank you", Chuck thanked, getting out of limousine and heading toward the elevator.

Chuck silently pondered what Blair was thinking. What if she actually cared about him the way he cared about her? What if the previous night was just a stupid, one night stand that meant nothing to her? What if she was just using him to kill the pain from her breakup with Nate? He sighed. "What if"-ing wasn't going to get him anywhere. He would go up to her apartment, ask to see Blair, and invite her to breakfast.

When Chuck reached the Waldorf penthouse, he saw Eleanor sitting on the couch looking at sketches.

"Charles, can I help you with something?" Eleanor inquired, looking up.

"Um, I came to see Blair", Chuck informed.

"Oh, well, she went to the Catholic Church on 74th street and then she's going to put some jewelry on hold", Eleanor explained.

"Why is Blair going to a Catholic church?" Chuck snorted, "She's not even Catholic".

"I have no idea. You'll have to ask her. Something about confession", she muttered.

"Okay, well, um, thanks," Chuck mumbled on his way out, silently wondering why Blair was at confession.

She was probably confessing to sleeping with him or something. Great. That meant she probably didn't care. She was ashamed of it and wished it never happened. Maybe he was overacting. Whatever. He just knew he had to see her. When he got downstairs he slid into his limo and gave the driver instructions as to where he wanted to go. He tried to visualize Blair sitting in the little wooden box, confessing her sins. The visual was not working. He had only seen Blair even in a church once…

"_Hello Nathaniel," Chuck grinned as his best friend entered the suite, "I thought you were doing something Blair on this fine morning"._

"_Yeah, she canceled. She's going to the Catholic church on 74__th__", Nate clarified._

"_Why?" Chuck probed._

"_I dunno", Nate retorted, "anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to go to lunch"._

"_I'm sorry, Nathaniel, I was just heading out. I have some business to attend to", Chuck explained, "However, I will call you later". _

"_Okay", Nate responded._

_XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO_

_Blair Waldorf sat in the Catholic Church on 74__th__ street crying at praying. She wasn't very religious, but whatever. Everything was falling apart. Serena left without even saying goodbye, her dad was running away to Europe with a man, and the worst part is when she canceled her date with Nate, he didn't even care. He just said 'Okay'. He didn't ask if she was okay or anything. When she said she was going to the church on 74__th__, he was supposed to come down and ask her is she was alright. She was supposed to cry on his shoulder while he stroked her hair and told her everything was going to be alright. But no. God, she had to keep reminding herself that life wasn't an Audrey Hepburn movie. _

_Blair heard the door to the church swing open, breaking her away from her thoughts. She turned around, hoping to see Nate there. But when she swung around, she saw Chuck standing before her instead. He was wearing a long black coat and his signature scarf. She smirked through her tears. She never thought she'd live to see the day Chuck entered a church._

"_What are you doing here?" Blair asked._

"_Nate told me you canceled your date and were coming here. I decided I had to come down myself and see Blair Waldorf in a church", Chuck chuckled._

"_Oh, and your such a saint yourself. I'm half expecting you to burst into flames any minute now", she commented._

"_Aren't you such a comedian", Chuck muttered, "anyway, you look like you've been crying, what's wrong?" _

"_As if you care", Blair snorted as Chuck took a seat next to her. _

_He managed to catch her eye and very seriously stated, "I do care, tell me what's wrong"._

_With that, Blair just lost it all over again. She clung to Chuck's jacket and began to cry._

"_Serena, my best friend, left for boarding school without even saying goodbye and then my dad had to go run off to France with another man, and when I emailed Serena about it, on top of it all, she didn't even reply", Blair sobbed, "Nate's been acting weird lately too. He's been distant and cold and I don't know. My mom's been all depressed since my dad left, I mean she's lost like 10 pounds already, and I just feel so alone. I feel so completely alone"._

"_Shhh, it's okay," Chuck murmured, stroking her hair, "it's all going to be okay, and you're not alone. I'm here. I care about you"._

"_Thanks," Blair smiled, looking up at him._

"_Blair, I should tell you-" Chuck began._

"_What?" Blair asked._

"_Never mind", he muttered, embracing her once again as she silently cried into his coat. _

When Chuck arrived at the church he saw Blair walking down the steps dressed in a gray skirt with a black coat. She was carrying a black leather handbag and wore oversized black sunglasses.

He smirked. He'd finally found her. Chuck instructed the limo driver to pull toward Blair and rolled down his window.

"Well, this is the last place I expected to find you", he teased, deciding it was unnecessary to mention that he'd already gone to her house in search of her and was dying to see her.

"Go away, Chuck," Blair snarled, "I've been given orders from practically God himself to avoid you".

"Would you consider avoiding me over breakfast?" he invited. He silently hoped that maybe she really did care and just thought he didn't. Maybe if she knew the truth, she'd tell him what she was thinking.

"Sorry," she glared, "but as per tradition on the day of my birthday I'm heading to the jewelers to put some pieces on hold for Eleanor and-"

"Nate?" Chuck interrupted, cringing at his best friend's name, "Oh, I don't think he'll be singing happy birthday this year".

"No one knows Nate and I broke up, and it's gonna stay this way 'til I can fix this", Blair retorted, "and as for you, I don't think your best friend would still be your best friend if he knew".

"If he knew how much I enjoyed the removal of a certain chastity bell in the back of this very limo", Chuck chuckled, hoping that maybe he could lighten the mood.

"From this moment forward, the events of last night will never be mentioned again, is that clear?" Blair threatened.

"Not as clear as the memory of you purring in my ear, which I have been replaying over and over", Chuck smirked.

"Well erase the tape," Blair growled, "because as far as I'm concerned it never happened".

When Chuck heard these words, he felt his heart sink. At had meant nothing to her. She simply thought of it as a stupid one night stand; a mistake she wanted to forget. She didn't care and she never would. He would always be the guy watching her from the corner, wishing to be Nate. Wishing to be whatever guy she was in love with, because unlike them, he would actually love her back.

"I'll see you at your party", Chuck spat at her.

"You're officially uninvited", she declared angrily.

"Never stopped me before", Chuck hollered after her.

Chuck Bass felt like the world had caved in. It wasn't fair. He had finally gotten a shot with Blair. She lost her virginity to him and she could care less about him. He sighed to himself. He had to do something about it. He had loved Blair Waldorf from the second she walked into their kindergarten in that little white dress and quite frankly, he would love her forever. He had to show her how much she meant to him. If after he told her how he really felt she still rejected him, them let it be. He'd go back to wishing she was his.

"Take me to the jewelry store on 82nd", Chuck instructed.

**Fin**

**A/N: Okay, well I hope you liked it. Please, please, please review and let me know what you thought. ******


	2. Hi Society

**Author's Note: Wellll, here's another installment from yours truly. This was originally a oneshot, but I decided to make it multi-chaptered. Basically, every once and a while, I'll post a C/B-centric ficlet that will most likely be Chuck's thoughts during a Gossip Girl eppi and will include flashbacks. This one's Chuck's thoughts at the end of "Hi Society", so yeah. I enjoy writing stuff where Chuck is lamenting about his undying love and all that jazz. Anyway, favorites are luverly, but reviews are better! Please review! -gets down on hands and knees- I'm begging you!**

**Disclaimer: I own Gossip Girl…well at least I wish I did.**

Chuck scanned the ballroom to see Blair entering through the double doors in her grey cotillion dress. He immediately stopped the conversation he was having and signaled the band to begin playing music. He smirked to himself as he allowed his eyes to scan over her. God, she looked so beautiful as she strutted up to him.

"Have you seen Nate?" she inquired once she had reached him.

"No, Nate was asked to leave", he shot back, "But here I am".

He began letting his eyes scan her as the two began to dance. She was wearing the necklace he gave her. He glanced up into her eyes and held her gaze. God, he loved her eyes. He could look into them forever. He realized how idiotic and uncharacteristic his thoughts sounded, but oh well. He was in love.

"I know that look" Blair began as Chuck continued smirking while not losing eye contact with her, "It's the look when your plan falls into place. You're enjoying this".

Chuck's face fell as he listened to her monologue.

"You knew Carter was going to my house", she lamented, "You tipped off Gossip Girl. You ruined my Cotillion on purpose".

She pulled away and sighed, throwing him an icy glare. Chuck felt his heart sink and he felt nauseous.

"You did all of this for your own enjoyment and didn't care what it did to me", Blair accused.

He did care though, he did. He did this so her reputation and relationship wouldn't get ruined. He cared. He really did. More than she could ever know.

"Which is exactly why you and I could never work", Blair finished.

"Hey, slow down there, Waldorf", Chuck started, clutching her, attempting to explain himself.

"You make me sick", she spat at him, "This thing between us – it's over. For good".

"Blair, no, wait. I didn't mean t-", he began to explain, clinging onto her arm.

"Don't talk to me", she bitterly replied, pulling away from him and leaving him there, defeated and dejected.

No. Just no. She had to give him another chance. As much as he regretted it, he decided he would do it. He would tell her he loved her. Then maybe she would understand that this wasn't just a game to him. That she wasn't like all the other girls. She was the only girl he had ever loved and the only girl he ever would love.

"Blair!" he called after her in pure desperation, but she had already left.

That was it. He had to find her. She had to know how he felt about her. Chuck rapidly sauntered out of the ballroom, but she was nowhere to be seen.

After searching for a good amount of time, he reached a brunette at the bottom of the staircase, who sadly, was not Blair.

"Have you seen Blair Waldorf?" he asked.

"Right there", she responded, pointing to the top of the staircase.

Finally. He would explain to her that Nate was getting suspicious and how he had to something. How he did it to salvage her relationship with Nate. He would finally tell her he loved her. He had tried once before, but lost the courage.

"_Mmmm, that was amazing", Blair sighed laying her head against Chuck's bare chest and looking up to plant kisses along his neck._

"_Well, what can I say?" he replied with a cocky grin._

"_Conceited much?" she whispered as she planted a kiss on his lips._

"_I don't deny it", Chuck responded, smirking against her lips, and slowly beginning to plant kisses along her jaw line, as Blair rolled her eyes._

"_So," Chuck began, pulling away from her and looking down at the petite brunette._

"_So?" she replied._

"_I've been meaning to tell you something", Chuck muttered._

"_What?" Blair interrogated, "Is something wrong?"_

"_No. Not at all", Chuck stated._

"_Good," Blair sighed, leaning in to kiss him yet again; however, Chuck stopped her._

"_Chuck? Are you feeling alright?" Blair teased._

"_Very funny", Chuck retorted, "As I was saying before you interrupted, although nothing is wrong, I need to tell you something"._

"_Okay", Blair probed, looking at him expectantly._

"_Blair, I lo-" he began, but was interrupted by the buzz of her orange enV. _

"_Hold on", she groaned, rolling over and snatching her phone up off the floor. She flipped it open to reveal a text from Nate._

"_Ugh, it's Nate. He wants to know where I am", Blair informed him._

"_Oh", Chuck replied._

"_What were you saying?" Blair inquired, tossing her phone down and rolling over so that her head was on Chuck's chest once again. _

"_Nothing", Chuck coolly informed her._

"_Come on, it was something", she glared, "Tell me"._

"_Uh, are you sure you're over Nate?" Chuck muttered, deciding not to tell her what he intended on saying._

"_Positive. I am completely and totally over Nate Archibald., But speaking of him, I really I have to go now", she proclaimed, pressing a soft kiss against his cheek and rising to her feet._

It seemed as if he were ascending that staircase forever. How would she take it? Would she accept his apology? Would she say she loved him too? His heartbeat quickened as he reached the top of the staircase, but nothing could have prepared him for what he saw.

Chuck's heart sank along with his jaw at that moment.

In front of one of the hotel rooms stood Nate and Blair in a heavy lip lock. In that moment, Chuck Bass felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. They broke apart for a moment as Blair whispered something in his ear, and then returned to their passionate make out session.

As her lips traveled down Nate's neck, Nate looked up and caught Chuck's eye, throwing him a wink. Chuck felt himself holding back tears. Chuck Bass did not cry.

Chuck hobbled toward the elevator feeling completely and utterly nauseous. God, the way he had looked at her made him sick. Like she was just there to amuse him. Not at all like he really and truly loved her. She was just his entertainment for one night and in Nate's eyes would never compare to Serena Van der Woodsen. He didn't appreciate how amazing and beautiful she really was and it sickened Chuck.

Chuck swung open the door to his suite and immediately snatched his two brown suitcases sitting by the door that he had still neglected to unpack from the post-Ivy Week. Chuck opened his drawer and through the first things he saw into the suitcases. God, the thought of Nate within five feet of her made his blood boil. But the thought of him kissing her and touching her and especially having sex with her. He couldn't stand it. He threw on a long, black coat and his signature scarf before exiting the room.

When he walked outside, he stepped on something and looked down to see the latest issue of "The New York Times". "A Night Out With Blair Waldorf". Figures. He leaned over and picked it up, running toward the elevator.

As he exited the elevator and trudged down the stairs and out the door, he walked past several happy looking couples that made him feel sick. He ran past them and outside where he had called his limo to wait for him.

He couldn't stand it anymore. Chuck Bass was completely and hopelessly in love with Blair Waldorf. She meant everything to him even if he apparently meant nothing to her.

"Where to Mr. Bass?" the driver asked as Chuck handed him the two honey colored suitcases.

Chuck looked down at the issue of "The New York Times". He felt an ache in his stomach as he looked at the photograph of Blair and Nate, the perfect couple. Once again, he found himself fighting back tears. He was experiencing something he had never felt before. He was heartbroken. And he was positive he never wanted to feel this way again.

"The airport", Chuck replied, handing the driver the newspaper and sliding into the car.

**A/N: Review please! ******


	3. School Lies

**Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! ******** It really means a lot! Anyway, here's chapter three. This is Chuck's thought during the pool party in episode twelve. Read and review please! Even if you hated it! Oh, and flashbacks are italicized.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, I would be hanging out with Ed Westwick, but sadly I'm not. ******

Chuck Bass sat on a lifeguard stand at St. Jude and Constance Billard's combined swimming pool, watching while everyone else swam.

He took a sip of his martini. There was nothing he loved more than a good party.

The mood, however, was instantly killed as he saw Nate swim up behind Blair. God. The sight of them together made him want to throw up.

He smirked to himself. Nothing would happen though. If it did, Blair's little secret would be out. Chuck knew blackmailing was wrong and possibly illegal in some areas, but he had his reasons.

One, the sight of Nate and Blair together made him sick. Just imagining Nate touching her, let alone kissing her or having sex with her made his stomach turn. Actually the thought of Blair with anyone but him made his stomach turn.

Second, Blair was his first love and still is. He loved her and cared about her more than anything in the world and she had broken his heart. On some level, he wanted to get back at her.

Third, it was a way of keeping her close to him. He knew if she and Nate got back together and Chuck wasn't holding this over her head, she would never speak to him again and he couldn't handle that. Even if she didn't love him – even if she wasn't his – he still needed to be around her. That's right, needed. She was like his drug.

The fourth and most important reason was very simple. Because he was Chuck Bass.

Chuck observed as Blair attempted to pull away from Nate, but he brought her back in and whispered something in her ear. Chuck smirked. Blair looked like a deer caught in headlights.

Oh God. Blair turned around and Nate began to passionately press his lips against hers. Chuck wanted to throw his martini glass at him. God, he would have done anything to be that guy. The guy Blair loved. The guy Blair wanted. Not just some guy she had meaningless sex with to kill the pain. That's what Chuck was beginning to feel that that's what their relationship was for her. He had fallen head over heels in love with Blair Waldorf and all she simply thought of him as her rebound. He felt jealousy surge through his body until the happy couple broke apart. Ugh. He hated that she loved Nate. And even worse didn't even appreciate her let alone love her.

"_Chuck, are you there?" a fourteen-year-old Blair Waldorf hollered, banging on the door to Chuck's suite._

_Chuck had invited her over for lunch. It was Chuck's birthday and it was a tradition of theirs to have lunch in Chuck's suite on his birthday_

"_Hello, Blair", he smirked, swinging open the door, but stopped speaking as he allowed his eyes to skim over her._

_She was wearing white tights and a black trench coat. Her curly, brown hair was clipped back and her eyes were tearstained._

"_Can I come in?" she questioned, trying her best to not show any signs of weakness and keep her head held high._

"_Sure, Waldorf", he replied, eyeing her with concern as she flopped down on Chuck's bed. _

_Chuck sat beside her as Blair reached onto the nightstand for the room service menu._

"_What do you want to order?" Blair asked, trying her best to smile._

"_Forget about food", Chuck insisted, "Now tell me what's wrong"._

"_I'm fine, let's just order", Blair muttered, not making any eye contact with him._

"_No", Chuck firmly stated, putting his hand under her chin and bringing her eyes up to meet his, "You're not. I can tell. You've been crying. Tell me what's wrong"._

"_I don't wanna ruin your birthday. Let's just order", Blair begged._

"_Not until you tell me what's wrong, Waldorf", he repeated._

"_Fine," she fiercely stated, "You wanna know what's wrong? Nate doesn't love me! That's what's wrong!"_

"_What?" Chuck gawked as she began sobbing into his coat. _

_He stroked her hair._

"_You heard me, Nate doesn't love me," Blair sobbed._

"_What happened?" Chuck asked._

"_W-We went to breakfast this morning and I've wanted to tell him for a while now that I love him, but I never had the courage to do it, do you know what I mean?" Blair inquired rhetorically._

"_You have no idea", he responded so softly she couldn't hear him._

"_Well, I finally told him while we were eating and he said 'Okay'. He said 'Okay'. And then he said he had to go meet his father which is a total lie and paid and then we left", Blair cried._

_Chuck began stroking her hair again as she returned to sobbing into his jacket._

"_Well, Waldorf, I have to say-" Chuck began._

"_You have to say what?" Blair shouted through sobs, "You know what? I really don't wanna hear that you're not surprised and that you knew he loved Serena all along or anything. You're heinous! I can't believe you would even think of saying that when I'm so upset!" _

_By this time she was on her feet with her hands on her petite hips._

"_I have to say that Nathaniel is an idiot", Chuck finished, eyeing her with a smirk._

"_Oh," Blair responded._

"_If he's too much of an idiot to see how amazing you are he's not worth it", Chuck replied._

"_Okay, that's really sweet of you, and I'm sorry I exploded, but please tell me, who are you and what have you done with Chuck Bass?" she giggled._

"_Very funny. I have different sides to me", Chuck informed her._

"_Well, you learn something new every day", she snorted, drying her tears. _

"_Shut up and come here, Waldorf. I'm hungry. Let's order", he grinned._

Finally, she swam away, leaving Nate alone and confused. Chuck smirked to himself. Just then a brunette walked up and began talking to him.

"So, you're Chuck Bass?" she questioned.

"I am", he flirtatiously smirked in response, "What have you heard about me?"

"Well-" she began but was cut off by a voice from behind him.

"Aren't you bored with the blackmail already? I can't avoid Nate forever," he heard Blair's voice complain as he whirled around to see the petite brunette angrily glaring at him.

Chuck eyed her, slipping off his sunglasses.

"Excuse me", he stated, dismissing the brunette he was previously speaking to, "I didn't say forever, just until the sight of the two of you together doesn't turn my stomach."

"And when will that be?" Blair retorted.

"Any time, I'm afraid", he smirked, "So unless you want dear Nathaniel to know how you lost your virginity to me in the back of a moving vehicle, I encourage patience and restraint".

"Isn't there someone else you can torture?" she shot back.

"Probably," he explained jumping up, sliding on his sunglasses, and picking up his martini, "But I choose you".

She had no idea what he meant when he said that. He loved her more than anything and would do anything for her. He chose her over all the other girls. He chose her to love. He chose her to be with. He chose her.

**A/N: Well, that's chapter three. Review? The next chappie will probably be Chuck's thoughts during the infamous A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate bar scene. **


	4. A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate

**Author's Note: I know, I haven't updated in forever, but blame summer school (Today was the last day! Yay!) Gahhh, one more month until season two starts! I'm DYING here! Anyway, this chapter's Chuck's thoughts during the infamous "A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate" bar scene. Read and don't forget to review please!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, season two would be airing now!**

Chuck Bass looked down at the brown liquid in his glass and took a sip of the drink, allowing the scotch to trickle down his throat. He looked at the glass, hoping maybe it would numb the pain. So far it wasn't working. Sighing to himself, Chuck set down the glass and shivered slightly. It was freezing and he wasn't wearing his signature scarf.

"_Chuck", fifteen-year-old Nate welcomed, patting his friend's back as he entered Blair's Waldorf's annual Christmas party a good hour late._

"_Nathaniel, my man, Merry Christmas", Chuck greeted, "Where's the hostess?"_

"_In her room", he responded, "She said she had something to do. Why are you late?"_

"_I was taking care of something", Chuck vaguely replied._

"_What?" Nate probed._

"_The question is whom", Chuck smirked._

"_Oh," Nate stated._

"_I'll be right back", Chuck informed his friend, sauntering away, knowing his friend wouldn't question him._

_Immediately, he headed upstairs, feeling the small velvet box in his pocket. He had bought Blair a pair of Tiffany diamonds for Christmas. He was positive she'd love them. As he ascended the stairs, he felt a gnawing nervousness in the pit of his stomach. What if she hated them? That was impossible. He took a deep breathe before knocking firmly on her bedroom door. _

"_Blair? Are you there?" _

_He waited for about five minutes and still no answer._

"_Blair?"_

_Finally, he decided he would just go inside. He swung open the door to reveal it empty. _

"_Waldorf, where are you?" Chuck asked, partially to himself, before hearing Blair's bathroom door swing open._

"_What do you want, Bass? And what are you doing in my room?" she interrogated with an icy glare._

"_I just arrived and I was wondering where you were", he shot back._

_He allowed his eyes to skim over her. Her hair was slightly mussed and she looked sickly and pale._

"_Oh", she flatly stated._

"_Are you okay?" he inquired._

"_I'm fine", she glared, rolling her eyes and walking over to her bed, plopping down on it._

"_Spit it out, Waldorf", he commanded, his voice softening a bit._

"_Nothing", she insisted._

"_I'm not buying it", he informed her._

"_Fine. Eleanor was giving me a hard time about my weight, and I was upset, so I came up here. I picked out this amazing Dolce at Bendel's to wear tonight. It was white silk and I just bought it. My mom saw me in it and suggested I change into something more 'flattering'. Anyway, whatever. It's not important ," she explained._

"_Don't listen to your mother. She's being ridiculous," Chuck insisted._

"_Thanks", she whispered._

"_You're beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise", he muttered so softly that Blair barely heard him._

"_So, what did you want, Bass?" she smirked._

"_I thought I'd come up to give you your present," he told her, sliding the black velvet box out of his pocket and handing it to her. _

_She looked up at him, raising one eyebrow, before opening it._

"_It's amazing", she gasped, smiling slightly, "Thanks"._

"_You're welcome", Chuck responded with a smirk._

"_This would look amazing with my Dolce", she mused._

"_Then wear it", he suggested._

"_What? No. My mother told me it was unflattering", she reminded him._

"_Just try it on with them. If it really looks horrible, I'll tell you," he promised._

"_Fine", she sighed, rolling her eyes, grabbing the dress off of her chair and heading into her bathroom._

_As Blair changed, Chuck couldn't help but think there was something else off about the situation. She looked so pale. He decided to disregard it once he saw Blair exit the room clad in a white silk dress, red pumps, and her new earrings. She looked amazing. He had no idea what Eleanor was thinking._

"_Your mother is completely insane", Chuck chuckled._

"_Thanks", she smiled._

"_Wear it", he insisted._

"_No," she shot back._

"_Waldorf, come on, just wear it. You look…stunning", he grinned devilishly._

"_Fine", she smiled, "Well, I might as well give you your gift now", she decided, strutting over to her vanity and picking up a silver box._

_She handed it to Chuck and he immediately began to open it. He slid the box open to reveal a red patterned scarf._

"_A scarf?" he speculated._

"_I saw it at Bergdorf's and it screamed Chuck Bass", she defended._

"_I like it", he thanked._

"_I'm glad", she retorted._

"_Shall we?" he suggested, nodding toward the door. _

_Blair simply followed him rather than responding. He smirked to himself, running his fingers over the pattern. He would never take off this scarf again._

Chuck groaned, lifting his scotch to drown out all thoughts of Blair. What was he thinking? Yeah, he loved her, but was she really worth risking his friendship with Nate? They had always been best friends and now it was all falling apart because of some girl. He hated Blair. He never wanted to see her again as long as he lived.

He placed the glass down and began to blankly stare at it as he heard the sound of the glass door opening. He heard footsteps approaching him and prayed that it wasn't Blair Waldorf.

But of course, he recalled that all of the elements of the universe were against him, as he saw the petite brunette saunter in front him and take a seat at the stool next to his.

"Can I get you anything?" the bartender asked.

"No thank you", she responded.

He looked up and simply stared at her. He couldn't take his eyes off of her as she attempted to make eye contact with him. Chuck simply stared at her blankly, not knowing what to say or even what to think.

"I came to congratulate you in person", she sarcastically stated, "You ruined my relationship with Nate, Serena, all my friends; even Little Jenny thinks she's too good for me. So, bravo. Just like you wanted. I have no one to turn to but you".

"Actually you don't even have me," he informed her.

"Enough", she retorted.

He loved her. Chuck Bass was hopelessly in love with and had been for as long as he could remember; however, she could have cared less. He was her rebound guy after Nate. Just someone to fool around with. She never even cared about him. He was just someone to numb the pain and he couldn't stand the thought of that. He loathed it in fact. He may have ruined her relationship with Nate, but she ruined his friendship with Nate. And as much as he hated to admit it, she broke his heart.

"I'll try to be more succinct", he began, "You held a certain fascination when you were beautiful, delicate and untouched. Now-now you're like the Arabian my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet. I don't want you anymore, and I can't see why anyone else would".

Chuck reached for his glass and took a huge gulp of alcohol, attempting to erase the visual of Blair's hurt, defeated expression from his mind.

He swallowed, folding his hands and resting his chin in them. He vowed not to looks at Blair. He didn't want to see if she was crying or what her facial expression was. He was apathetic toward her.

He heard her tiny footsteps as she rose from the chair and headed out of the room.

Chuck turned and looked where she had just left. Who was he kidding? He didn't mean any of that shit. He only wished he was completely apathetic toward her. That she was just some girl who wasn't worth it. That he didn't want her anymore. Because the truth was he wasn't. Chuck turned and took a sip of his scotch. He loved her more than she would ever know and more than he would ever admit.

**A/N: Well, that's the end of this chapter! I'm worried that it was a little OOC. Review and let me know what you thought! Thank you! ******


	5. Woman On The Verge

**Author's Note: Thank you so much to all of you who are reading and reviewing! It really means a lot! ******** Anyway, this chapter's scene is from "Woman on the Verge", so yeah. I hope you guys like it. ******** Also, flashbacks are in italics and also there's a phone conversation in this chapter in which part of it is italicized to indicate who's talking. Review please!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, Serena would go back to boarding school (I just watched "Woman on the Verge" in reruns tonight and she is seriously annoying me to no end…anyway…on with the story).**

"Oh, I've seen lots of Serena", Chuck snidely commented.

This conversation had to end. Where the hell was Serena? He didn't mind covering her, but when it came to arguing with her whiny boyfriend about it, it was just plain annoying.

"Brrring".

Finally. His phone rang. A distraction. He reached into the pocket of his blue plaid pants and pulled out his cell phone, checking the name on the ID. He felt his heart stop as he looked at it. Blair was calling. Why would Blair call him? She hated him. Something was definitely wrong with this situation. He clicked the send button immediately and held the phone up to his ear.

"Are you drunk dialing again?" he jokingly commented.

"_Very funny, Bass. Did Serena come home last night?" she interrogated._

"No, Serena didn't come home last night", he answered, eyeing Humphrey and turning around, "I thought she was with you".

He gave Dan one final glare before sauntering out the door.

"_Look, Bass, I need your help. Meet me at my penthouse in ten minutes", Blair commanded._

"Should I bring the condoms or do you have some? We don't want to have to deal with pregnancy scares this time…" he teased, stepping into the elevator.

"_You're heinous. Just be there. I need your help. I'm serious", Blair barked before hanging up, leaving Chuck with just the dial tone to listen to. _

Chuck smirked to himself as he shut his silver cell phone and stepped out of the Palace Hotel's elevator. Blair was leaning on him. She called him to help her. Not Nate. Not anyone else. Him. He knew it was pathetic and stupid, but as he slid into his limo and instructed the driver to head to the Waldorf's penthouse, he couldn't help but think that just maybe there was a reason why she called him. Maybe she did care. What the hell? Who was he kidding? He compared here to his father's race horses and told her he didn't want her anymore. No one rejected Blair Waldorf. Ever. There was no way she had forgiven him. Maybe she purchased some arsenic and was preparing him a drink to poison him with? No, where would she find arsenic? He pondered the possibilities as he slid out of the limo and into Blair's building. He was being ridiculous. Blair wouldn't poison him. Maybe it was such a dire emergency that she had no choice but to call him. But still. She could've called Nate. But she didn't. He smirked as he quickened his pace toward the slowly closing elevator door and stuck his hand in to reopen it.

When he stepped inside he felt his heart sank as his eyes widened and he stood their frozen in the doorway for a moment before entering the elevator. So much for Blair caring and calling him and only him and all that shit he's imagined. There was Nate standing their wide-eyed and confused, which seemed to be his default setting. In the elevator to go to Blair's apartment. Was Blair completely insane to stick him and Nate in the same room?

"Hey", Chuck softly muttered, but got no response.

Nate still hadn't forgiven him for sleeping with Blair. Sure, Chuck was heartbroken over Blair, which was quite an accomplishment considering he was never heartbroken over anyone, and sure he could partly attribute that to Nate, but it still didn't change the fact that Nate was his best friend. Chuck may not have been Nate's at the moment, but the facts remained the same. He and Nate had been through too much together and nothing could make Chuck completely toss aside their friendship.

Chuck sighed as they rode in silence to the Waldorf penthouse. He silently hoped that they would arrive already so Blair could explain what the hell was going on in her twisted little mind when she decided to invite them both there.

Finally, the elevator reached the top floor and Chuck exited the elevator with Nate in close pursuit to find the room empty.

"Maybe this is Blair's idea of a perverse double date", Chuck commented, swinging his hat around his finger as Dorota entered the room.

"Miss Blair asks that you wait here. She's on her way here now", Dorota informed them.

"Wait, she's not even here?" Nate gawked in disbelief as Dorota shrugged.

Chuck stepped into the living room and made himself comfortable on a white colored chaise lounge as Nate continued to stand there with his mouth hanging open like a confused idiot.

"Well, this ought to be good", Chuck muttered to himself.

Him, Blair, and Nate together. Maybe it wasn't so bad the Blair had invited Nate. Maybe now he could finally patch things up with both Blair and Nate. If not, one thing was for sure. He smirked to himself. This was gonna be one hell of a show.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

"Dan puts me on a pedestal", Serena whimpered, "If he knew the truth he would never look at me again".

"You're starting to scare even me", Chuck commented, "What did you do?"

He was Chuck Bass. Quite frankly, she couldn't have done anything worse than him. What was she hiding? He continued to eye his future stepsister with a look of concern on his face as he followed her into the living room.

"What did you do?" Nate questioned, "Come on, you can tell us".

"We've seen you with vomit in your hair making out with investment bankers in the men's room at PJ Clark's", Blair reminded, "You don't have to hide anything from us".

"She's right Serena. None of us are saints", Nate added.

"Yeah, I had sex with him in the back of a limo", Blair pointed out.

"Several times", Chuck smirked.

_Chuck sat in Dean and Deluca's sipping a coffee feeling nauseous. _

_Blair had just gone to Nate's tux fitting with him and the thought of the two of them together made him want to throw a very sharp object at the wall. Chuck had never been the jealous type, but this was different. Who was he kidding? He had been jealous of what Nate had since they were five. _

_Sure, he was the reason Blair was late for the fitting. Sure it was him whom she had kissed with all her might before exiting the limo and heading into the fitting and sure she was texting him, but that didn't change the fact that it was Nathaniel she loved. That she cared about. He would always be the guy in the background watching them. Wishing he could be that guy. The one she dreamed about at night. The one she thought of marrying. The one she wanted._

_His phone buzzed interrupting his thoughts. It was a new text message from Blair._

"_I miss you. Nate can pick out his tux without me. Pick me up? Xo. B."_

_He smirked to himself as he texted her back._

"_Down the street. Be there in ten minutes. –C"_

_He rose from his seat and headed out the door toward his limo, sliding in the backseat and giving the driver instructions as to where to go._

_Within a matter of minutes, he was in front of the tailor's shop and saw Blair standing outside dressed in a green coat and jeans. She looked so beautiful and so…happy. Chuck smirked to himself, wondering if he had anything to do with it. He must've played a small part in her new behavior, for a smile spread across her ruby red lips as she saw his limo pull up. She rapidly strutted toward the back door of the limo, swinging it open and sliding inside._

"_Bass", she greeted._

"_Waldorf", he returned._

_He smirked to himself as he pondered the situation yet again. She was leaving behind an opportunity to spend time with Nathaniel and possibly get him back, but instead she chose to be with him. He looked her over and smirked yet again. He loved her so much. _

"_Why do you look so smug?" Blair inquired with a smile._

_He wiped his palms on his pants and sighed inwardly. He might as well just suck it up and tell her. _

"_I-"he began._

"_If it's something pervy I don't even want to know", Blair warned._

"_In that case", Chuck hinted._

_He couldn't do it. It wasn't like she'd ever feel the same way. It would just freak her out._

"_You're disgusting", she stated._

"_Which is why you left your appointment with Nathaniel early?" Chuck probed, raising his eyebrow and looking her in the eye._

_She rolled her eyes before slowly bringer her face closer and closer to his. He sighed as he used his hand to bring her face closer to his and slowly pressed his lips against hers. No matter how many times he kissed her the feeling of her soft lips against his never hot old. She was like his drug and he was certainly an addict. He sighed and slowly slid his tongue into her mouth as she allowed her fingers to run through his tousled brown hair. She pulled off his tie and slowly unbuttoned his yellow and red pinstriped shirt as he disposed of her blazer. He felt on fire as he slid his icy hand down her stomach to rid her of her blue skinny leg jeans. She moaned, pulling her yellow shirt over head._

"_Blair", Chuck panted, pulling away for a moment once he had undone the button on her jeans._

"_Mmmhhhmm", she moaned in response._

"_Are you sure?" he questioned._

_She allowed a wide smile to spread across her face. _

"_Why do you even ask?" Blair responded before firmly pressing her lips against his again._

"I had sex with you at a wedding while I was her date", Nate pointed out, "Once".

Blair turned around and glared at Chuck. He smirked and gave the one response that summarized it all.

"I'm Chuck Bass".

**A/N: Well, I hope you liked it! ******** Chuck's thoughts in this chapter are kind of disjointed so I hope it was alright and I hope I kept everyone in character. Let me know! The next chapter will be "Much 'I Do' About Nothing". ;)**


	6. Much I Do About Nothing

**Author's Note: All of you who reviewed the previous chapter were so sweet and it motivated me to post this one! ******** Yay! Okay, so basically this is Chuck's thoughts in "Much 'I Do' About Nothing" during his best man. Enjoy and please review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl. **

Rising to his feet and clanking a spoon against his champagne glass, Chuck took a deep breathe and prepared to begin his best man speech. He was nervous as hell and seriously hoped he didn't screw it up like he did with everything.

"I would like to propose a toast", he started.

Clearing his throat and picking up his cue cards, he began.

"My father is someone who goes after what he wants. And Lily Van Der Woodsen was no exception. In typical Bass man fashion, his pursuit was direct and at times not exactly subtle", he explained.

He began to turn the index card and looked up, seeing Blair's porcelain face staring back at him. She wore a genuine smile on her face and her pink dress perfectly brought out the color in her cheeks.

_Twelve-year-old Chuck Bass stood in the deserted candy store on 74__th__ street browsing the selection of chocolates to pick out something for himself when he heard the door rattle open._

_He looked up to see none other than Blair Waldorf enter the shop. She was dressed in a pink leotard and tights with little pink ballet shoes. Her dark curls were pulled into a bun and her cheeks were tearstained. _

_She didn't seem to notice Chuck standing at the glass case of chocolate as she picked up a small plastic bag and filled it with root beer flavored jelly beans. _

_Chuck felt his stomach churn as he watched her fill the bag and lightly sob. Something was definitely wrong. Blair never cried in public._

"_Just this miss?" the cashier questioned._

"_Yes, sir", she replied, looking down as he handed her the bag of candy._

_Chuck took a deep breathe and approached her as she began to walk toward the door._

"_Blair", he greeted._

"_Bass", she choked._

"_Are you okay?" he asked._

"_I'm fine. It's none of your business", she sniffed._

"_You don't look fine", he commented._

"_Thanks", she sarcastically retorted, turning on her heel and heading toward the exit._

"_Blair", he replied, following her, "I'm serious. You can talk to me"._

_He did not care how out of character that was. He cared about Blair. More than anyone. And if someone hurt her he wanted to know, just so he would be able to comfort her. To tell her that whoever hurt her was an idiot. That everything was going to be alright._

"_Fine", she whimpered, "But it's stupid. I'm just being a baby"._

"_Just tell me", he pleaded._

"_Fine. Ballet was horrible. The teacher hates me. I look like a horrible mess and Serena masters everything and I have to sit there like a pathetic idiot while everyone bows down to Serena Van Der Woodsen. It's been like that for months now and I just couldn't take it anymore", she sobbed._

_Chuck swallowed a lump in his throat and pulled Blair into a tight hug. He hated it when people compared her to Serena. The two weren't even comparable. Blair was so fully of class, beauty, and style. It wasn't fair. _

"_Well, quite frankly, my dear, your ballet teacher is an idiot. You have so much more grace and class than Serena could dream of having", Chuck assured her._

_Pulling out of their embrace, Blair raised her eyebrow in confusion._

"_What's gotten into you, Bass?" she interrogated._

"_I can be nice sometimes", he argued causing Blair to snort and dry her tears with her hand._

"_Walk me home?" she probed._

"_Sure", he smirked as the two headed out the door._

"_So, what were you doing in a candy store anyway?" he laughed, "I've never seen you go near sweets except the cake at my seventh birthday party because it was your favorite"._

"_Honestly?" she asked._

_He nodded._

"_I always come into this candy store after ballet. I'm all alone so I can pick out all the candies I like. I never get to eat them without Eleanor going on and on about how I 'may be too young to care now' but one day sweets are going to 'take a toll on my figure", Blair explained rolling her eyes, "Anyway, then I sneak it back home and eat it while I watch old movies in my room. It's kind of my little tradition. The one time I get to pretend that everything's perfect and elegant like in 'Roman Holiday' or 'Casablanca'. Now you probably think I'm a pathetic little idiot"._

_He snorted._

"_Far from it, Waldorf", he grinned, causing her to smile in response._

_God, how he loved that smile._

"_Do you wanna join me?" she suggested, "I was gonna watch 'It's A Wonderful Life'"._

"_In April?" Chuck verified, raising his eyebrow resulting in a stern glare from Blair, "Sounds good"._

Her eyes met his and he felt his heart race. She was so beautiful and so amazing. He was so in love with her and she didn't even know it. He would love her until the day he died. The hell with the cue cards. He had all the inspiration he needed right in front of him.

"One thing I learned from my father's courtship of Lily is the importance of perseverance. That in the face of true love you don't just give up, even if the object of your affection is begging you to", he continued, eyeing her as the audience laughed.

She stared intently back at him.

"One thing I learned from Lily is the importance of forgiveness. She gave my father the gift of a second chance and in return I watched him become someone actually worthy of that gift. And one day, I hope I will be lucky enough to fine someone that will do the same for me", he monologued, his eyes fixed on Blair yet again.

She smiled at him and he felt his heart melt. He wished he could read her mind. That he could understand what she was thinking. What she was feeling. She was probably laughing on the inside. Thinking that he was a pathetic love struck idiot. Well, he was, but that was beyond the point. The point was she could probably care less about him. It didn't matter though. Oh well. At least she knew. She knew that he cared. That contrary to what he had said in the past. That he would keep fighting for her. That he was completely and hopelessly in love with Blair Waldorf.

"To the happy couple", Chuck finished.

**A/N: Wellll, there you go. Two updates in two days. : I'm so proud of myself. Haha. Wellll, review please! **


	7. Summer, Kind of Wonderful

**Author's Note: Wahhh, how sad was the season premiere? All the CB angst…wahhh. Haha, I loved it though. Anyway, this chapter is from Summer, Kind of Wonderful. Read and review please! ******

**Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, Lord Marcus, whose head by the way is shaped like a loaf of bread, would be back in England.**

"So James", Chuck began, eyeing Blair's new suitor as he poured Blair a pitcher of iced tea.

He personally had no appetite whatsoever. James and Blair made him lose all desire for food. And to think he found Nate and Blair nauseating. This guy was too fucking perfect.

"Did you have a chance to meet Harold and, uh, what is his boyfriend's name again?" Chuck mused, feigning confusion.

Maybe James didn't know about Harold and Roman and was severely homophobic. That would send him running. Chuck smirked at the thought.

"Roman?" James supplied, "Only briefly at the chateau".

Damn it.

"Although, uh, Cat didn't seem to like me nearly as much", James informed them, "I still have the scars to prove it".

_Blair grabbed Chuck by his bow tie and tossed him down on her bed slowly crawling on top of him and pressing her mouth to his. She slid her tongue into his mouth and the kiss continued to grow increasingly heated. He smirked against her lips and slowly lifted her thigh to wrap around his waist, flipping the two over. Bringing his lips to her ear, he nibbled on it and slowly began to work his way down her jaw line and onto her neck._

"_Mmm, Chuck", she moaned, tossing her head back. _

_He allowed his lips to twist into a smile against her skin as he slowly snaked his hand up her thigh. He felt on fire. He wanted this feeling to last forever. He slowly lifted her dress-_

"_Ow", Chuck interjected, awaking from his dreaming, rubbing his bruised arm._

_He looked up to see Blair standing at the end of his bed looking like she was ready to blow up Manhattan. This ought to be good. _

"_Who? What? When? Where? Why?" she shouted._

"_We were up late plotting against Georgina. We must've dosed off", Chuck explained, refusing to move from his relaxed position on Blair's bed._

"_And you were on the floor!" she reminded him._

"_I didn't want to hurt my back", he defended, knowing full well that was far from the truth._

_He just wanted to be close to her again. As pathetic and cheesy as that sounded, it was true. At this point, Chuck would give anything to have her be his again. To experience the sensation of having her lips against his and having her moan his name rather than Nate's or whatever obnoxious Andy Hardy type came along. _

"_Why? It's not like you ever do anything athletic", Blair proclaimed._

"_Well, that's not entirely true now is it", he responded, sitting up and eyeing her with a raised eyebrow. _

_Being with him was probably better for her than going on Jenny Craig, not that she needed it. _

"_Fine, nothing that requires you moving your scarf", she retorted._

"_That was once. It was chilly", he explained._

"_Enough about the past", Blair scoffed, "Before you landed in my bed, we actually landed on a good plan"._

_Bringing his wrist in full view, he examined the time and immediately hopped out of bed. He had to write his dad's best man speech. What was he even supposed to say? Chuck Bass didn't do cheesy stuff, unless it came to Blair, and what else were you supposed to write about in a best man speech? As honored as he was to do it, he couldn't help but feeling frustrated with the situation as a whole. He had to face the music. His father only chose him to be the best man as an incentive to stop partying and "get his life on track". It wasn't like Bart truly wanted him there. Or truly thought he deserved it. _

"_Well, I trust you can take it from here", Chuck stated, sliding on his coat, "I have a best man speech to write and no time to write it"._

"_Don't worry, I can be bitch enough for the both of us", Blair smirked._

"_I still have the scars on my back to prove it", he remarked, as she grabbed hold of his jacket and began yanking him toward the door._

_He felt a slow burning in his stomach and his head began to spin as she mangled him toward the door. _

"_You know, they say if you love something, you should set it free", Chuck commented._

"_They say if you hate something you should slam the door in its face", Blair shouted as she shoved Chuck out of her room, and slammed the door. _

"_I love it when you talk dirty, Blair", Chuck hollered, hoping she could here him. He smirked to himself. It was a very good morning, indeed. _

"Well, you certainly have crammed in an awful lot in such a short amount of time together. I wonder if Blair had a chance to share her favorite movies with you. 'Tiffany's', 'Roman Holiday', and of course, 'Charade'", Chuck listed, plopping down into his chair.

He eyed Marcus. Try as he may, this guy would never know as much about her, even if he did know her favorite movies. What she went through when Serena left. Always trying so hard to be perfect. Attempting to live up to Eleanor's expectations. No one knew Blair as well as himself and, quite frankly, no one ever would. He had been there for her in good times and in bad. He may have hurt her, and although he felt horrible about it, it didn't erase their past. Chuck Bass had always loved and cared about Blair Waldorf and always would. No one and nothing could ever change that. Ever.

"I thought your third favorite was Funny Face", James pointed out.

"It is", she sweetly smiled, before completely changing her tone, "I hate 'Charade'. Chuck, stop harassing him".

"Yeah," Eric concurred, "Uh, 'How Well Do You Know Blair Waldorf?' is kind of boring for those of us who actually know Blair Waldorf".

"No to mention transparent", Cece added.

"While thank you, grandma", Chuck sardonically replied.

"Why is when you say that word, it sounds like an insult?" Cece pondered.

"No, no. I don't mind. I would like to learn as much about Blair as I can. And ,there's no better way to learn than through a quiz", James smiled, putting his arm in Blair's lap.

Chuck wanted to throw up. Seeing him touching her, made jealousy burn in the pit of his stomach. He hated seeing James, or any guy for that matter, touch Blair and kiss her. His Blair. Well, she wasn't actually his, but he loved her more than anything and the thought of another man being within a five foot radius of her made him radiate with fury.

Despite his desire to knock out this guy then and there, he smirked and leaned forward.

"Well, it's a shame you guys took the bus here and not the limo. I don't know if you know this, but Blair loves the limo", Chuck smirked yet again, eyeing Blair.

Good luck to her getting back at him for that.

"Sweetie", Blair interjected, "Would you please pass me the salt and pepper?"

She wasn't being Blair. She was using that tone she had always used around Nate. When she just kept trying to be nothing less than perfect, unable to understand that she was perfect in Chuck's eyes. She was always fake around Nate, too busy putting on the 'perfect girlfriend' act to confide in him. But Nate had one part of Blair that Chuck would always envy. Blair had loved him. She may not be interested in him now, but it was still always Nate over Chuck and now it would be James over Chuck. Even when she and Chuck were together she had never said she loved him. He obviously couldn't tell her how he felt. He was Chuck Bass. It just wasn't how he worked, but it didn't mean he didn't feel it. That he didn't know it. That he loved her, always had loved her, and always would love her.

Chuck knew he hurt her. He did. But, he didn't mean to. He was just scared. She was so amazing. He didn't deserve her. And his father's monologue about responsibility was practically a giant neon sign saying 'Don't Go To Tuscany' as far as he was concerned. The point was he loved her more than anything and he was sorry. He'd do anything to take back not going on that trip with her.

As James reached across the table, Chuck felt as if his heart had stopped before proceeding to slowly shatter. On James's sleeve was Blair's pin.

"_Nathaniel, let's get going. We're supposed to meet Blair and Serena in five minutes for my post-Birthday dinner", a fourteen-year-old Chuck Bass hollered as his best friend emerged from the bathroom._

"_Fine, I'm ready. Toss me my sweater, will you?" Nate requested as Chuck lifted Nate's forest green pull-over sweater._

_As he lifted it, he felt something cold, hard, and tiny on his hand. Rolling back the sleeve, Chuck saw none other than Blair's pin there. _

"_What's with pin?" Chuck inquired, tossing Nate the sweater._

"_Blair gave it to me when I told her I loved her back", Nate explained._

_Chuck felt his heart stop. Well, the good news was now that Nate and Blair were back together, dinner would be much less awkward, but still. Nate didn't love her. He never had. She didn't belong with him. She deserved someone who understood her and appreciated how truly amazing she was._

"_You've been holding out on me, man", Chuck accused, smirking although he felt like melting into the floor, "I thought you guys broke up. Because you said 'oh' when she said she loved you"._

"_Oh, yeah, well, I thought about it and Blair and I's relationship is important to my parents, and I'd hate to disappoint them, so I went over to her house with some roses and apologized. I told her I was just nervous and that I loved her too. All was forgiven and she gave me her pin", Nate told him._

_Not again. Blair needed to get it through her head that Nate didn't love her. He was beginning to think Nate and Blair's relationship was similar to that of an abusive one in that no matter how badly Nate hurt her, Blair always came back. A question gnawed in his stomach and he had to ask Nate, although he wasn't sure he even wanted to know the answer. _

"_So did she thank you in anyway?" Chuck suggested, allowing his lips to twist into a devilish grin. _

"_No", Nate replied, as Chuck felt a pang of relief wash over him, "I don't think we're ready for that"._

_Chuck sighed to himself. It would always be someone else with Blair. Never him. _

Gulping as a hurt expression seethed through his pupils, Chuck eyed a smirking Blair before immediately looking down.

"Um, excuse me", Chuck muttered, "I think I just lost my appetite".

**A/N: Well, I hope everyone liked it! Please review! The next chapter will be posted after Never Been Marcused airs next Monday! Anyway, let me know what you thought! ******


	8. The Dark Night

**Author's Note: Well, everyone, here's an update for you. The scene is from this week's episode, The Dark Night, which was totally awesome until B and Lord Marcus (whose head by the way is shaped like a loaf of bread) got back together! ******** Okay, well, since I doubt you wanna hear me complain, I shall stop. Read and review pretty please!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, Lord Marcus and Blair would not have had their little staircase kiss at the end of the last episode.**

Chuck caressed his hand against her face as he deeply kissed her, hoping and wishing for some sort of spark. Some sort of emotion. He wanted to feel on fire. He wanted to feel that burning in the core of his stomach that left him wanting more and more, but felt numb.

It was the same set up. The back of a limo, just like he and Blair had done many times. But it wasn't the same. He didn't feel that spark of electricity jolt through him as he anticipated what would happen next.

And most importantly, this girl was not Blair. Blair was the pure essence of class, poise, and above all, beauty. He didn't even know this woman's last name.

There was a time when Chuck Bass would have scoffed at the idea of a girl meaning anything to him besides a night of kinky sex, but damn had that changed. And to a slightly unhealthy point to. Now everything was all about Blair. Thinking about her and craving her had become his default setting to the point where he couldn't bring himself to want any other woman. Damn it. He was Chuck Bass. No strings attached. He wished.

The girl rapidly moved her hands up to his head, hooking her long acrylic nails around his neck.

Blair didn't have acrylic nails and she never dug her fingernails into his neck. She always wrapped both her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her, both passionately and delicately at the same time.

Chuck snaked his hand up the side of the girl's purple satin dress and placed it in her hair.

Her hair wasn't the same. Blair's brunette locks were soft and silky, his fingers easily sliding through them as he mussed them with his large hands. This girl's hair was so incredibly caked with hairspray to the point where touching her hair was like touching a rock.

Slowly, Chuck moved his hand down to her cheek, grasping it. Her skin was a bit chapped and he could feel layers of caked on makeup on the girl's skin.

Chuck had no idea how Blair managed to do it, but despite the face makeup she constantly wore, her skin always felt like butter in his hands. Caressing her skin was reminiscent of running his fingers along a satin bed sheet. Smooth, soft, and comforting.

What the hell was he doing?

This was wrong. It was just so fucking wrong. This girl wasn't Blair and she never would be, nor would anyone else. His body had even proven it to him. He had been in a heavy lip lock for a good ten minutes at this point and he was feeling nothing. It was as if his lips were mechanically moving, but he wasn't feeling anything real. No yearning in the pit of his stomach. No head spinning. No blood rushing to his cheeks. This had to stop. It just had to fucking stop.

The girl trailed her lips down onto his neck and Chuck gasped for air as she continued.

"This is all wrong", he managed to gasp.

"I thought you said you were better", she whispered seductively into his ear.

"I am", he clarified.

She took this as her signal to continue, and immediately began caressing his neck with her lips.

"Just not for you", he muttered, turning to the side, planting his focus on the passing cars as he gazed out the window.

He heard her sigh.

"I think I'll get out, here", she announced.

Chuck tuned her out. She could go on a vacation to fucking North Korea and he wouldn't care enough to listen. He heard her ask the driver to pull over, before opening and slamming the door.

Finally.

He was alone with his thoughts.

Chuck sighed. It was official. He would never be able to have sex with anyone other than Blair again.

Not that he wanted to, but something had to kill the pain. If Blair didn't want him, he needed something or more specifically someone to distract him. Otherwise he would end up like this. Alone with nothing but a bottle of scotch to comfort him.

He wondered what Blair was doing. Most likely consummating it with Marcus. He winced at the thought of Blair in bed with him. Clinging onto him. Screaming out his name.

Sure enough, Chuck reached for the bottle of liquor planted in the limo and took a long gulp, allowing the scotch to slowly burn his throat. He felt a nausea begin to seep into his stomach, a common occurrence when imagining Blair with anyone but himself.

"_Hey, man, I need a favor", Nate requested, approaching Chuck._

"_Nathaniel", Chuck greeted "If it includes me kicking that bastard who destroyed my eye's ass, then by all means, c'est la vie"._

"_Very funny", Nate commented, "But seriously, I need you to cover for me. Say I stepped out for some fresh air or something. It doesn't really matter. If Blair comes looking for me distract her"._

_This sparked more than curiosity in Chuck. What the hell could Nate be doing that he didn't want Blair to know about? Unless…_

"_Are you and Serena planning on trying it out on a bed rather than a barstool this time?" Chuck snidely remarked, partly joking._

"_It's not like that man. We're just going up there to talk", Nate rebutted. _

_So he was right. Nate was meeting Serena. No matter how many times he mulled over it Chuck could never quite fully understand what people saw in Serena that led them to believe she was in anyway superior to Blair. She had blonde hair? Please. What a pathetic reason to worship someone as if they're a second coming. _

_Chuck eyed him with a smirk._

"_I have it under control", he promised. _

"_Thank you. I'm gonna go up in about fifteen minutes", Nate replied, walking over to a group of people, leaving Chuck alone. _

_He glanced around the room and spotted Blair standing on the other side of the room, her eyes scanning the area. He smirked to himself and slowly walked up behind the petite brunette who was clothed entirely in white. _

_Chuck stood there for a moment watching her and wondering if she felt his presence, pondering whether or not he should speak to her, and if so what he would say._

_He got his answer, however, when she whipped around to face him and he turned up the corners of his mouth in response, his stomach doing small flips as she looked at him._

_Blair slowly rotated her body so that she was facing him before speaking._

"_I can't believe Serena came to this brunch", she scoffed, eyeing Chuck in anticipation of a response, "I told her to stay away"._

_As Blair lamented about Serena's recent actions, an idea popped into Chuck's warped mind. He wanted Blair. He was in love with her. He had been since the day he laid eyes on her at age five, but it was always Nate over himself. Nate was her ideal prince charming and he was simply the court jester who assisted her in her schemes. _

_But this could change._

_He needed her to see Nathaniel in a different light. To understand that he wasn't her night in shining armor. Maybe if she saw that Nate was sneaking around with Serena Blair would finally understand that Nate wasn't the perfect guy that she had built up in her mind. That he had his faults. That he would always love Serena. And maybe, in time, that Chuck loved her more than she could ever understand._

"_Aren't you worried about Nate?" Chuck probed, eyeing her for a response, which turned out to be a glare as she raised her eyebrow, "Just a shot in the dark. I think you know what you need to do to get his attention"._

_Chuck pulled out the key to his suite and eyed Blair. _

"_And what's that?" she inquired._

"_The key to my suite, Nate's heart, and your future happiness", he suavely responded, smirking at her._

_As he waited for her reaction, Chuck almost felt like he was in a Biblical story, which was certainly a first for Chuck Bass. He stood before her in the form of someone harmless, a friend, and offered her a seemingly perfect proposition that would in the end, benefit him, and her too. Finally she would see Nathaniel for his true self. She would be able to move on. She would be free. Liberation was practically in the palm of her hand. All she had to do was accept it. _

_She finally snatched the key from him, causing Chuck to smirk at her yet again, his head slightly lowered. _

"_I'm honored to be playing a small role in your deflowering", Chuck informed her, his lips twisting into a small smirk at the irony. _

_She had no idea just how much he meant those words._

"_You're disgusting", she moaned._

"_Yes, I am", Chuck agreed, "So why be shy? Just grab Nate and finish this"._

_He slightly motioned her toward Nate, allowing his eyes to skim over her thin frame._

"_And report back with details," he added, resulting in an eye roll from Blair as she headed off toward Nathaniel. _

_He smirked as he watched her walk off. Everything was put into place. Maybe now things would finally be over between Nate and Blair. The golden couple would take their last bow. _

_As much as Chuck hated to admit it, as he stood and watched them lock lips in the dining room a few minutes later, despite the idea of their possible break up looming, Chuck still felt nauseous. He didn't like the idea of Blair Waldorf with anyone but himself. Thank God Serena Van der Woodsen was around. Or else Nate and Blair really would be the golden couple. Flawless and in love. _

Chuck sighed, finally putting down his bottle as the limo pulled up in front of the palace.

**A/N: Well, let me know what you think! Also, look out for a Blair-centric oneshot from me soon. The idea is pretty much the same as this fic, except that one will actually be a oneshot and it will be from B's point of view. Also, if I misquoted some of the Wild Brunch scenes in the flashback, I'm so sorry. I was watching them on youtube to record the correct dialogue as I wrote this and some of the parts were muffled. Anyway, review, darlings! ******


	9. The Serena Also Rises

**Author's Note: Well, I know this is a CB centric story, but this chapter won't be focused on them. It will be more focused on Chuck as a person. This chapter is right before he calls Bart in the bar and while he calls Bart. So basically that whole scene. Anyway, on with the story. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, the next new episode would be next Monday rather than in two weeks. **

Chuck Bass sat a bar, slowly sipping on his scotch.

He sighed, Blair's words still echoing in his head.

_Chuck had one reason and one reason only he wanted Serena as Queen Bee rather than Blair. He wanted her to come to him. Last year he wanted to be anything but Blair's last resort, but now, he didn't care. As long as she was his. _

_He looked on as the girl he so desperately loved walked dejectedly away from her friends and glared at him. _

"_Watching you fail spectacularly gives me so much joy," Chuck smirked, not sure himself if the comment was sarcastic or not._

"_And you know what you give to everybody else, Chuck? Misery. There's a reason you're always out here alone," Blair coldly started._

"_Nate just happens to be away at his grandparents'" Chuck spat._

"_Nate is only friends with you out of habit! The only person with fewer friends than you is Dan Humphrey and even his lame, '90s dad likes him. And that's because he's something you'll never be. A human being", Blair icily mused before leaving Chuck isolated with his thoughts and his heart broken into a thousand tiny pieces._

Chuck took yet another sip from his glass.

The sad part was, it was true. No one really did care about him. All he ever did was bring misery to people. And he knew it.

He was a manipulative asshole. He didn't deny it. But no one quite knew why. No one understood that he wasn't born this way.

Chuck Bass is a human being. Not everyone may knew it, but it was true. He had a heart. He could hurt. He could cry. He could feel pain.

He took another sip of his scotch and allowed it to slowly burn his throat.

All he ever wanted was to be loved. By someone. Anyone. He wanted someone to see that it was just a façade. He cared.

As long as he could remember, his father hated him. It wasn't his fault that his mother died giving birth to him. It truly wasn't.

Everyone is loved at some point, even if it's just as a baby. But not Chuck. While other children's births brought bliss and happiness, Chuck's brought death and misery. He was born into the world unloved.

He supposed that's how it would always be. He was destine to be alone. Alone and miserable.

Chuck looked up as a petite brunette with curly hair in a short bronze dress entered.

Chuck Bass slept around for two reasons.

One, he would always be completely and utterly in love with Blair Waldorf. And she would never feel the same way.

Two, he had to get love from somewhere. Early on, he learned that he would never be loved back.

Blair would always choose Nathaniel. His mother was dead. And his father would rather love anyone but him. He would always be alone. So he had to get companionship from somewhere. Something about it just made him feel like he was wanted. As if for a few moments he was something other than an unloved asshole who brought misery upon all who knew him.

Everyone hated him and he knew it. Blair had been right on target.

He gulped down more scotch. He was near breaking point and he knew it.

Chuck pulled out his cell phone and eyed it. He needed to talk to someone. Anyone. He needed someone to tell him that they cared. That he wasn't worthless. He knew it would be a lie. But he needed to hear it. He needed someone to lie to him.

His father had just gotten in from Luxembourg. He wasn't sure if it was an aneurism or just a lack of judgment, but as he examined the phone, he decided to call. Maybe, just maybe, Bart would show some form of sympathy.

The phone rang until finally Bart answered.

"Yeah?" he grumbled into the phone.

Saying he sounded unenthusiastic was understatement of the year. As completely cheesy and pathetic as it sounded, Chuck felt his heart break. He could at least pretend to care.

"Good to hear your voice too, dad," Chuck sarcastically grumbled.

"What is it, Chuck?" his father sighed exasperatedly.

"I remembered you were flying in tonight, and I was wondering if we could have a drink," Chuck drawled.

"Why? What kind of trouble are you in?" Bart immediately assumed.

"Is it unimaginable for a son to just want to sit and talk with his father?" Chuck sighed, rubbing his temples.

"Chuck, I'm tired, I'm jetlagged-" Bart began, but was interrupted by call waiting, "And I have to take this call," he finished.

"Okay, well, maybe later," Chuck suggested, but simply got the dial tone in response.

"Good talking to you to, dad," he muttered, feeling completely and utterly dejected.

Chuck felt an hallow pit forming in his stomach. There was no way to deny it. It had always been true and it would always be true.

Chuck Bass was born to be alone and unloved.

**A/N: I realize this was a really short chapter, but I worked really hard on it. Please review and let me know what you think! ******


	10. Chuck In Real Life

**Author's Note: Here's chapter ten! Sorry it took a few days to get out! I've been really busy helping with the costumes for my school play. Well, anyway, enjoy, read and review please! :)**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, Chuck and Blair would've already said they loved each other.**

As Chuck Bass entered Blair's room, he felt his breathe catch in his throat.

She sat on her satin sheets, surrounded with candles that softly lit her delicate features, staring up at him. Him. He felt his stomach start to do flips as he eyed. Her red shoes accented her small feet which led up to her legs, clad in black lace tights. Chuck continued to scan her, a lump forming in his throat as he eyes her bra. He allowed himself to fully skim over her appearance once more.

She looked absolutely stunning. After all, he had always loved seeing her in red.

"_Miss Blair! Mr. Chuck for you!" Dorota announced from downstairs as Blair sat in her bedroom clad in her bathrobe, reading a novel Chuck had recommended to her._

_She still hadn't gotten over that. Who knew Chuck read? She snorted to herself at the mental image of him reading "Pride and Prejudice"._

"_Send him up!" Blair hollered._

_Within seconds, Chuck appeared at her bedroom door dressed in a pink sweater with bright orange pants._

"_Chuck," Blair greeted, smiling up at him._

_He felted a subconscious smirk spread across his features. He loved her smile._

"_Waldorf," Chuck greeted, "I see you're reading. I definitely approve your choice of relaxation attire."_

_And with that he proceeded to scan her sheer white robe._

"_You're disgusting," Blair scoffed, rolling her eyes._

"_Then you are dating my why?" Chuck retaliated._

"_Point proven," Blair replied._

"_Wow, I must say I'm floored. Did the great Blair Waldorf just surrender?" Chuck gawked in fake shock._

"_As fun as it is to bicker with you like a seventy-five year old married couple, I have better things to be doing. What do you need?" Blair questioned._

"_Waldorf, I doubt you have anyone better to be doing," Chuck shot back, "And I came here to give you this. It's perfect for our Europe trip and I thought maybe you could wear it when I take you out tonight."_

_He placed a giant white box on her bed and watched for her reaction._

"_You're taking me out tonight?" Blair asked her voice softening ever so slightly, "For what?"_

"_No reason," Chuck insisted._

"_Charles Bartholomew Bass, tell me right now, or else you will definitely regret it," Blair threatened, "You're hiding something. You're being vague which means there's something going on."_

"_You'll think it's stupid," Chuck insisted, mentally kicking himself for sounding like a wounded puppy._

"_Try me," Blair challenged, raising one eyebrow._

"_It's our one week anniversary," Chuck admitted softly._

"_Alright, that's it," Blair shot back, "Who are you and what have you done with Chuck Bass?"_

"_Just try the dress on, Waldorf," Chuck insisted, a smile overcoming his features as he handed her the white box containing a red dress that he had picked out for her at Bergdorf's that morning. _

_She was going to love it._

Chuck was shaken from his thoughts by Blair's voice.

"What took you so long?" she interrogated.

"If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for," Chuck suavely replied, incredibly thankful that she could not read his thoughts. Not understand what his body was doing to him at that very moment. She had no idea how completely and hopelessly in love he was with her.

Chuck slowly began to remove his coat, his eyes on Blair the entire time as his stomach began fluttering. Drawing it out as long as possible, he sat down onto her bed as she pulled him in for a kiss.

If heaven were a place on earth, this was it. As incredibly cheesy and pathetic as it sounded, it was true. Nothing would ever gave him the same thrill that kissing Blair did. His pulse quickened, sweat beads formed on his neck, his head began to spin- the list could go on.

Chuck had slept with many women in his short life, but even the kinkiest sex he had ever had didn't equate to the thrill he got when his skin brushed Blair's.

Chuck pulled himself out of his daydream as he slowly climbed on top of Blair. When he was doing this, he sure as hell didn't need to reminisce.

They continued their heated lip lock. Chuck kissed her top lip as she pulled apart for a moment and sighed, her chest rapidly rising and falling before reconnecting her lips with his.

"Say it," Chuck insisted.

"Say what? I'll say anything," Blair gasped.

He felt his heartbeat rapidly increase as he digested her words, leaning in and quickly kissing her once again before pulling apart.

"Say those three words you wanted me to say," Chuck clarified.

He eyed her, awaiting her response. He would've given anything right then to hear her say those three words. Those words he should have told her the day he met her at age five, and should have told her every day since, but simply didn't have the courage or faith to.

Especially now.

Blair had walked over his heart too many times to count. He knew abandoning her at the helipad was wrong, as were his actions at the bar after she had that pregnancy scare, but those were perhaps the only two times that he had let her down. That he wasn't there for her.

Chuck Bass loved Blair Waldorf more than he could possibly vocalize, but that was just the problem. His inability to actually vocalize it. On some level he that if he asked her to say it, she would know he felt the same way in return.

On another hand, he needed to know that her feeling were real. So many times she had just gone running back to her white night, whether it be Marcus or Nate and Chuck honestly did not think he could handle that type of rejection again.

There was nothing worse than the feeling of having the love of your life in your arms, within your reach, and then seconds later, have her go running back to a British lord.

Chuck had put himself on the line for her multiple times, and he thought it was only fair she do the same in return. That for once she reassures him that she has eyes for him and only him. That she really and truly cares about him.

He watched as Blair's expression went from that of desire to that of pure shock.

"Are you…kidding?" she scoffed.

"Not quite," Chuck seriously answered, "Eight letters. Three syllables. Say it and I'm yours."

Chuck held his breath and watched her. He would've given anything at that moment to hear those words slip from her small mouth, yet all he could hear was the icy wind hitting Blair's window.

"But I'm already yours and you're ruining the moment with all this talk," Blair whined, leaning in to kiss him again; however, he did not reciprocate.

"You can't say it," Chuck observed, "You wanted it from me again."

"Maybe I'm prepared to settle," Blair seductively whispered as she leaned in to kiss Chuck again, earning the same reaction he had before.

"Maybe I'm not," he informed her as Blair clung onto the collar of his suit.

"Chuck Bass, I-" she began, her voice tender.

Chuck felt a small inkling of hope wash up inside of him as he silently begged her to say those three words.

"Will never say those words to you," Blair finished, her tone icy.

"Then you will never have me," Chuck concluded, climbing off of her and standing up.

It would have been a complete and total lie to say that a part of Chuck did not die when she completed her sentence. Even though he knew she would never say it, he couldn't help but hoping. Maybe for once she wanted him rather than him just chasing after her, ending up alone in his room with nothing but a large bottle of scotch to keep himself company.

Blair's tone immediately switched to that of anger as she glared at him.

"Is this because of Vanessa?" she interrogated, "It was a game, Chuck! That's it."

In all honesty, Chuck did not think of Vanessa in any romantic way whatsoever. As ashamed as he was to admit it, he actually viewed her as a good and interesting person since he began considering investment in the Brooklyn Inn. She would make a good friend. Nothing more. Not that it mattered since she had gone back to hating him. Blair didn't need to know that though.

"Well, maybe I wanna raise the stakes. Be ready to play that game. I chased you long enough. Now it's time you chased me," Chuck challenged, pulling on his coat and exiting the room.

He had fought for her long and hard. Now it was her turn.

**A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Review and let me know what you thought! :)**


	11. O Brother, Where Bart Thou?

**Author's Note: Hey, guys, I know I haven't updated in like, forever. I haven't really had the time, plus I wanted to wait and do it over the winter break to keep myself from going insane due to lack of "Gossip Girl". Anywho, this will actually be the only chapter until winter break ends. It's from "O Brother, Where Bart Thou?" also known as the most amazing episode ever. There will be a flashback to Pret-A-Poof-J. Read and review!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, the last episode would have ended with Chuck and Blair happily asleep together.**

Chuck had to get out of there. He just had to get the hell out of there.

He literally couldn't stand it anymore.

How the hell could she? He scoffed under his breathe as the elevator continued its descent. Lily married his father. She married Bart. How the fuck could she do that to him? And then blame it on him.

Chuck gulped as he remembered his step mother's accusation. It was fucking ridiculous. Or was it? Chuck tried as hard as he possibly could to shove the thought as far away from his brain, but he couldn't.

He had killed his father.

If he had only minded his own business. If only he didn't make that phone call. Maybe he would still be alive.

No, no, it was Lily's fault. He only made the call because she was with Rufus.

There was no use in trying to convince himself. Try as he may to shake the thoughts, Lily's words kept ringing in the back of his head along with his immense hangover that was starting to settle in.

Chuck Bass had killed his father. He had killed his mother too. Everyone he loved - everyone who was close to him – died.

He hadn't even had the opportunity to know his mother before she was taken from him, leaving him with just a faded picture by his bedpost to stare at.

And now his father. He felt the tears starting to well up in his eyes. He had never been good enough. He could never measure up to his father's standards. Most parents would love their kid nonetheless, but not Bart. Most kids brought their parents at least a small amount of joy, but not Chuck.

Blair sure as hell had it right. All Chuck ever brought people was misery. Blair and Nate were the only people who were there for him. And Nate simply did it out of habit. Why the hell Blair cared so much was a mystery to him.

It's not like he deserved her attention. She deserved so much better. She shouldn't even look at Chuck.

He was a horrible person. He kept repeating the phrase in his brain. He had heard many people say it throughout the course of his seventeen years and it was a familiar thought at this point; therefore, he couldn't quite figure out why his vision got foggy and the hot tears in his eyes became more and more evident as he stepped out of the elevator and hurriedly stalked toward his limo.

He needed to escape. He needed to get in his limo and drive for hours, going through incessant bottles of scotch until he had killed the pain.

Until he couldn't even remember his own name.

He heard the clicking of heels behind him, but ignored it, continuing his path toward the limo.

Maybe he should just kill himself. He didn't have anything to live for anymore. Except Blair. And she would be much better off without him. Everyone would. If he were dead, the Upper East Side would most likely throw a party rather than a funeral.

If he did have a funeral, who would even be there? Well, Eric, Serena, and Lily out of obligation. He scoffed. He would rather it just be empty. And Nate and Blair. But once again Nate would just be there out of habit. He wouldn't be affected by Chuck's death. His funeral would just be another event that Nate emotionlessly attended, his thoughts elsewhere as he sat through the service. Blair would be there of course. Why, he didn't know, but she would be there.

He chuckled bitterly. Maybe he was just as soulless as everyone said he was. He had always smirked as people commented on his being soulless and evil, but he couldn't help but think that maybe he was.

"Chuck!" he heard Blair's voice call from behind him, "Stop!"

He solemnly turned around once he had reached the limo and faced her.

"Don't go," she begged, "Or if you have to leave, let me come with you."

He couldn't stand it. She deserved so much better. She shouldn't even be looking at him. He was evil. He was a monster.

"I appreciate your concern," he mumbled as he began to open the limo door.

"No, you don't," Blair objected as Chuck turned to glower at her, "You don't appreciate anything today, but I don't care."

Why the hell was she being nice? Why wouldn't she just let him be alone and miserable?

It was what he deserved anyway…

"Whatever you're going through, I wanna be there for you," Blair pleaded.

"We've talked about this," Chuck spat, "You are not my girlfriend."

He wasn't worthy of her. He deserved to die. To be alone and miserable.

"But I am me," Blair countered, "And you're you. We're Chuck and Blair."

She grabbed his hand. He gulped as he felt his pulse quicken.

"Blair and Chuck," she reminded.

_She cared. She cared. She cared._

_Those were the only words able to run through Chuck's mind as he climbed the staircase of the Waldorf penthouse, determined to reach Blair's room._

_Stupid Dan Humphrey. If he hadn't gotten in the way, he and Blair could be happily "making up" by now. _

_But maybe this was for the better. What would happen after they made up? They would fight. What if they could only handle so much of it? What if they ended?_

_Chuck didn't even want to entertain the thought for a moment. She was his first love. His only love. He knew he would never love anyone but her and the thought of her with someone else made him sick. _

_He didn't want this to end like every high school relationship did, because what they had was so much more than that._

_Chuck quietly slid into her room and eyes her petite form._

_Maybe if they waited. If they didn't go with anyone else, but simply waited. Until they were mature enough not to fuck things up. _

_God, she was stunning. He watched as she sat politely at her vanity, eyeing herself in the mirror. _

_Blair turned to face him._

"_You here to gloat?" she inquired in a small voice._

"_Over what?" Chuck immediately shot back._

"_Well you win," Blair stated as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, "Pop the champagne."_

"_I didn't win," Chuck informed her. _

_How could he have won? He was alone. He had nothing. He didn't get what he wanted, because what he wanted was her. _

"_Well then why does it feel like I lost?" Blair admitted as Chuck advanced toward her. _

"_Maybe the reason we can't say those three words to each other isn't because they aren't true," Chuck pondered._

"_Then why?" Blair blankly asked._

_He looked down at his black loafers for a moment. He told himself it was for the best. _

_They would last longer this way. _

"_I think we both know, that the moment we say those words, it won't be the start of something, it will be the end," Chuck mused, "Think about it. Chuck and Blair going to the movies? Chuck and Blair holding hands?"_

"_We don't have to do those things," Blair pointed out, her eyes watering, "We could do things we like."_

"_What we like is this," Chuck told her._

"_The game," Blair filled in._

"_Without it, I don't know how long we'd last," Chuck explained, "It would just be a matter of time before we messed it all up."_

_As he watched tears began to trickle down Blair's face, he felt his heart break. He couldn't stand to watch her like this. He just couldn't. He moved down onto his knees in front of her and gazed into her eyes._

"_Look, I'd rather wait," he clarified, "Maybe in the future."_

"_I suppose there could be some excruciating pleasure in that," she decided, smiling a bit through her tears. _

_He eyed her facial features and felt his stomach flutter. He would wait. He would. Until they were both mature enough. Until they were ready and could be together without spontaneously combusting. _

_As he felt hot tears begin to flood his eyes, he shut them and kissed her softly. _

_It was simple and sweet, unlike the other kisses they had shared, and yet he couldn't help but feel it was the most passionate. It was soft and tender and did not contain even one ounce of the lust that usually filled both of them. _

_As he pulled apart he glanced at Blair. Her cheeks were pink as hot tears slid down them. He held onto her petite hand until she couldn't reach anymore and took her in before exiting._

_Some day they would say it. Someday they would be able to have a relationship._

_In the future._

"The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had, I will stand by you through anything," she pleaded, staring at him with those large brown eyes that made his head spin.

"And why would you do that?" he questioned.

That was what he wanted to know more than anything. All day. He couldn't wrap his head around it. She deserved so much better. She was so beautiful and so amazing, so why the hell did she choose him of all people? She deserved her prince charming.

"Because, I love you," Blair confessed.

Chuck felt his throat close up. She loved him. She really and truly loved him. That was why she was always there for him. Always helping him. He looked into her chocolate colored eyes and wanted so badly to say it back.

He did love her. He truly did. More than anyone or anything. But as he stared at her, he couldn't help but remember Lily's words.

He had killed his father. He killed everyone he loved.

And as he stared into Blair's eyes, all he could see was his mother. Blair looked eerily like her. Blair couldn't face that same fate. The same fate everyone he loved reached.

He was dreadful. He brought no good into the world whatsoever. Blair deserved so much more than that.

He gulped as his vision fogged and he bitterly stated the only thing that came to mind.

"Well, that's too bad," he heard his own voice shakily reply as he dropped her small hand and slid into the limo.

**A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I think it's one of my favorites. Review please, darlings! **


	12. Gone With The Will

**Author's Note: Well, dearies, here is chapter twelve. It is Chuck's thoughts during the elevator scene at the end of "Gone With The Will". Read and review please! :)**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Gossip Girl, Chuck would not have slept with randoms in the last episode, and Jack Bass would be running his stupid company in Australia, far away from Chuck and Blair.**

Chuck Bass completely loathed himself. Could he have been any more of an idiot? Jack had set him up and he fell for it. Completely.

And disappointed the one person he cared about more than anything in the process.

He felt completely and totally disgusting and all he could think to do was to apologize to Blair. He knew he didn't deserve her forgiveness, but he couldn't help but hope maybe she would do so anyway.

He stepped into the elevator at the Waldorf penthouse, a bouquet of flowers in hand. He knew it looked rather pathetic to come to her with just a small collection of pink peonies.

"_Nathaniel, to what do I owe this pleasure?" A fifteen-year-old Chuck Bass questioned into his phone._

"_Shit, man, I need a favor," Nate begged._

"_If you want the number of Kim from room service, all you have to do is ask, but I don't know how Blair would feel about that," Chuck responded._

"_I need you to pick me up a birthday present for Blair," Nate insisted, ignoring Chuck's witty remark._

"_Tell me you did not forget her birthday. I would hate to be you right now," Chuck smirked._

"_Chuck, please. I forgot about her birthday until she left a message reminding me that I need to be at her house at six. I'm at lacrosse and I don't have time to get her something," Nate explained._

"_Fine," Chuck agreed, "I'll drop something off at your house in an hour."_

"_Thanks, man," Nate thanked before hanging up._

_What the hell was Chuck supposed to do? There was no way he could find something good enough for Blair on such short notice. She was the pickiest person he knew._

_He flopped down on the couch on his suite and began to think. How could Nate forget Blair's birthday? Some knight in shining armor he was. And the worst part was that Blair would never even know it. She would just continue living in her fantasy world, completely oblivious to the fact that Nate was far from perfection and it drove Chuck insane. More than anything. _

_He willed himself to concentrate on what to get Blair for Nate. As he did so, his eyes fell on a small box sitting atop his night stand. It was perfect. _

_Chuck had bought Blair what he believed to be the perfect present. It was a beautiful gold ring with a little ruby stone in the center. _

_The second he saw it, he knew he had to get it for her. It was delicate-looking and elegant much like Blair._

_Chuck couldn't wait to give it to her. He knew she would love it no matter what disgusted act she put on. _

_But now, he couldn't help but think he should let Nate give it to her. She would love it even more that way. Thinking that her so-called-perfect boyfriend gave it to her for her sixteenth birthday. It was much more appealing than receiving it from the slimy best friend. _

_Chuck rose to his feet, sauntered across his suite, picking up the box to take to the Archibalds'._

_Chuck ended up giving Blair a small bouquet of pink peonies for her birthday. She acted as though she were disgusted with the small present, but later that week he saw the bouquet sitting by her nightstand. _

_As he watched her open Nate's present that was meant to be from him, he felt envy surge through his body. It was supposed to be his gift that made her lips twist into a grin and her brown eyes light up. But at least he would have the satisfaction of knowing that it was really from him. That it was his ring she wore on her finger every day after that. _

_Chuck Bass had salvaged Blair Waldorf's sixteenth birthday and she was completely unaware of it. _

Eventually, the elevator reached the penthouse and the elevator doors slid open to reveal Blair standing before him.

He eyed her petite form, finally reaching her eyes, attempting to make eye contact with her. God, she was so beautiful. He didn't deserve her.

After a moment of silence, he finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry," Chuck apologized in a small, broken voice, "I screwed up."

That was probably understatement of the year. Chuck had done some pretty shitty things, but this took the cake.

He watched as Blair took the bouquet from him, eyeing it carefully.

He knew he didn't deserve a second chance but he hoped to God she would give him one. At this point, he would do anything. He had been through so much, and the only person that had stood by him through it all was Blair, and he had hurt her the most.

A sick feeling entered his stomach as he nervously waited for her response to his apology.

"It's too late, Chuck," Blair decided as Chuck's heart sank, "I've stood by you through all of this, but I can't watch you self destruct any longer."

"Jack set me up," Chuck explained.

Maybe she would believe him. Maybe she would forgive him.

He heard the elevator door start to close and put his hand in front of it. He wasn't done. He couldn't let her go. Not yet.

"You have no one to blame but yourself," Blair replied, "I believed in you. Your father believed in you. You were the only one who didn't."

Chuck felt something inside of him die as he listened to Blair. She believed in him. She really thought that he could run his father's company. That he could be a better person. And he had let her down.

As he watched hot tears well up in her large chocolate eyes, he wanted to die. He hated himself. He really and truly loathed himself.

"All I wanted to do was just be there," Blair admitted in a small voice, "But today when you called me your wife, you made it sound like the ugliest word in the world."

Chuck bit his lip, turning his head to the side for a moment. He couldn't look at her. His stomach dropped more and more each second that he did.

She was so wrong. It wasn't the worst word in the world, and he wanted so badly to tell her. Chuck may have had commitment issues. He may have hired more than a few hookers in his lifetime. But at the end of the day, he always pictured himself standing at the altar watching her walk down the aisle, her chocolate curls flowing to her shoulders, her lips twisted into a smirk. Even though he knew it would never happen, he couldn't help but think about it.

In fact, at that moment, Chuck couldn't help but think that telling her he loved her wouldn't have done any good. If he thought it would have he would have said it right then and there because he definitely felt it.

But as he stared at the broken girl in front of him, he knew he had done too much. That it wouldn't cut it.

The idea of proposing crossed his mind, but this was not the time or place. Nor would she have said yes, because he sure as hell didn't deserve it. But, he couldn't live without her.

He couldn't lose her. He needed to make her believe that.

"Blair, please," Chuck pleaded, reaching out toward her.

He felt his stomach sink further, if that was even possible, as she convulsed at his approach.

He looked into her teary orbs, silently pleading her to forgive him. To take him back. To understand how much he hated himself for what he did to her.

"I'm sorry," Blair whispered, "But, I'm done."

Chuck felt as if his heart had completely shattered as he listened to her mutter those words.

He wanted to do something. He wanted to say something. But nothing could really make a difference at this point. So, he took one last longing glance at her before stepping back into the elevator, holding her gaze as long as possible.

Before the elevator could completely shut, she threw the bouquet of peonies onto the floor beside him.

As he eyed the tiny bouquet, he couldn't help but feel completely hopeless, because just like the peonies, their relationship had been completely thrown away.

**A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm actually not sure if the flowers are peonies, but they look like it, so yeah. Anyway, review! :) **


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